you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
