I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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