i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
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