i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
