1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
