i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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