You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
