I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
