I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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