i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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