Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
