Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
