I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
