Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
