yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize