i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
