I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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