there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
