You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
