I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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