Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
