Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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