it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
