ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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