So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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