y did u give ur computer a hand job?
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
