can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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