I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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