This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
