i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
