i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
You're like the curious george of whores
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Randomize
