3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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