He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
