paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
