can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
