did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
