last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Randomize
