she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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