you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
