I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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