Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize