He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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