I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
