I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
