May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
