Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
