I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
