i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
