I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
