i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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