Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
