I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
