my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
