bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
