I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
