hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
