it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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