Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
