Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
