Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
