tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
