You smell like stripper and shame
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize