two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
