I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize