gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
