you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize