oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
