When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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