Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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