i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
