Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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