I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
