THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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