I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
