The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
