I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize