Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
