It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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