I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
