Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I look excited, but its just a facade.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
