So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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