I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
