Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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