I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
