I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
There's a naked man in my car right now.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
