Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
