he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
