Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
