She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
