Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
