i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
