What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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