Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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