didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
