Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
it glows. i had to have it.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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