so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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