I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
