you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
