Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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