i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
