Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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